we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
