I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
