a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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