Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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