went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
