Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
