The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
