Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
