What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
