Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
