It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
