Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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