Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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