i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
