Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
