she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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