I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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