So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
