dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Randomize
