Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
