She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She is in my trunk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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