My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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