just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
