so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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