dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
