So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
