you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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