i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
