found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
