I'm sorry my penis didn't work
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
