STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my phone needs a breathalizer
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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