glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pooping to opera.
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