I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
