At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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