at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
