I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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