no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
