I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
