the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
