i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
