U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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