My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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