so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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