i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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