I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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