Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
