They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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