the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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