is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
