We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The struggles of a small town man whore
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
