I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
