im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
