So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
