I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
