you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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