I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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