I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
