hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
