Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Two words: blizzard sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
