no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
