I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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