I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
