i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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