I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
