went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
