I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
