idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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