Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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