Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
