We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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