OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
