her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much