I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.