btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.