Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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