he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?