So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext