so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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