i permit you to call me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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