I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
