just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
