So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
