I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
