I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
