2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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