It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
