I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
