oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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