Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
