That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
